As a child growing up with a younger sister, I neglected the position I held as a big-sister/mentor/super-star idol. My younger sister looked up to me in every way. She wanted to have my friends, do whatever I did, look like me, act like me and go wherever I went. She had a heart of gold and she was more than willing to do anything to please me.

I took her amazing personality for granted and overlooked the love that she was offering to me. I have always loved her as a sister, but she was offering the award of "best friend" and I turned it down. I was simply too cool. I had other friends to keep up with, none of whom are around today. She sat on the side-lines and watched me rush by her, only from time to time stopping to say hello. I was ignorant and rude towards her and I encouraged my friends to act the same. All the while she continued offering love and friendship as I was her older sister and she looked up to me. I had no idea what I was missing out on.

As years have past I have matured and realized what a crumby sister I have been. I now see what an impact I had on her as a child. When all she wanted was a friend I acted as though she wasn't good enough. When all she wanted was a sister I acted as though I was too busy. I showed her that she wasn't worth my time or attention. In hind sight, she was the only person who was deserving of my time and attention. She was someone who would return the effort put towards a friendship instead of the shallow friendships I based the earths revolutions upon as a kid. Ah... hind sight.

Now, my younger sister and I are adults trying our best to raise children and stay afloat in the world. We each have husbands and full-time commitments. She is doing a wonderful job as a loving mother and a successful C.N.A. She still exudes the love that she always has and she still looks up to me as her "big-sis". A responsibility that I take more seriously now.

I can't help but wonder if my impact on her as a child has impaired her ability to stand up against negativity and abuse in the outside world. Does she know that she is worth all the love known to man? Would she put her foot down against harsh and unnecessary comments from a loved one? Does she even know how to stand up for herself?

The weight of these possibilities weighs heavy on me. I realize that one's childhood is when many personality defining characters manifest. I wonder if I had given her more love as a sister and a friend if she would be living the life she is today.